she was cuffed to the truth

my life is actually a series of very odd blessings right now. I can't say much else, but it is sincerely good.

because I still can not cover the bounced check or my current payment. sucked up and emailed my only cousin with money, who couldn't help last time to see if she could do a loan where I pay her back each pay period. She can do some, but not the whole amount I am behind, and isn't sure how much. if you could all just cross your fingers that when she looks at her finances she has more than she thought and can do the whole thing?

i will never get ok financially. I keep getting so close and then something oes to shit. fuckfuckfuck. A friend who owes me a shit ton of money is finally getting back to work though, so unless that fucks up, there may be light, if I can come up with a couple hundred bucks in the meanwhile. I am just so tired of being behind.


eta I am aware this may be the anxiety disorder making it larger than it is.

ok, so I have the option to switch rooms in the coop to a slightly smaller room on the first floor.
Cons:Slightly smaller. Closer to the drum kit. There is one asshole who I don't get along with down there who doesn't want me to move in on his floor.
Pros: two of my closest friends in house, including my favorite whose kids are po's best friends, would be right across the hall. Closer to the main rooms/kitchen to hear what kids are doing. room is painted an awesome red instead of the yellow and teal mine is. 20 bucks cheaper. Closer to better bathrooms. Not on the same floor as any of the people who bitch about kids and noise.

Opinions?

Spent my new years, and the weekend before it that was my no kid vacation, lying in bed with my best friend, marathoning true blood straight through, and being mopey about his impending eviction. We were too broke to go out for new years, but a housemate bought whiskey to share with us so we at least got drunk for the big night.



Then last night, i hear from my boss for the first time in days because I have been hassling him for my next batch of work, and he informs me that because one of the other writers needed enough work to go full time, I have been cut from 25 posts a week to 25 a month. My work load got quartered. I can not survive on that. I wasn't quite surviving on 25 a week. He's going to try to get me back up to more assignments, and in time can get me even more than I was doing, but what the fuck.

Shit just doesn't get better.

and I wound up still being short on the rent check, in part because my fucking paycheck didn't get deposited by my boss yet and a check that should have gotten here today didn't. So I have defaulted on my payment plan, gotten another fucking bank fee, and am fucked.

I was so fucking close to having this shit right. And now everything is fucked.

okay, so you know how I have been in constant financial crisis since the breakup, so a year and a fucking half now? And I almost had my shit together thanks to a ass-ton of help? well, I am super fucking fucked again. Since Z took the boykid, he has cut my payments in half, which is fair, but has left me scrambling to make rent. And then there has been some fucking bullshit where certain shit that I thought he cancelled was still coming out of my bank account, which overdrew me by a fuckload.
I set up a payment plan to pay off what I am behind on rent over the next couple of months, and have given the house a check for the first set of payments. I gave it to them ahead of time, knowing that they do bank runs on the fifth of each month and it wouldn't be cashed until then. and then the overdrafting bullshit went down, and even when my paycheck gets here, there will not be enough to cover the check.

So basically, I am going to default on my payment plan and me and po will be evicted if I don't come up with like 450 dollars by wednesday. I do not know what to do there is NO FUCKING WAY I can get my hands on that much money in 5 days. None. I have picked up some more work than I had before, which will help in the long run, but that's not going to bring in jack shit in that timeframe.
I keep getting so fucking close to being able to get on track, and then more shit happens. I am a fucking failure. Honest to fuck, if we get evicted that means Z gets po full time, and I don't think I can deal with that. I'm so fucking wrecked over him having HQ, and if I lose po too I am done trying. I'm still barely recovered from last months suicidal breakdown, and i can feel myself losing my shit again.

I fucking hate myself for asking for help yet a-fucking-gain, but I don't know what the fuck else to do. If anyone has anything to spare that they want to donate or lend indefinitely, my paypal is still maevele@gmail.com. It seems as though I am always fucking begging. Thank you all for putting up with me. SHare this if you think anyone else wants to help.

the lack of posting about drama and adventures in my life does not mean that there has been a lack of it. It means that the drama has kept me too busy to blog about it, and in some cases no longer sure what I am willing to post about. It has been rough. And exciting.

with all the rent related bullshit, I fucking failed to have any money left for po's birthday party which is tomorrow. I could go help a friend move and probably make a few bucks, but I have a splitting goddamn headache and need to like, make a fucking cake and shit tonight. FFFFUUUUUCCCKKK.

So, yeah, anyone want to spot me birthday money?

I started a chipin for my rent trouble recently, and now, well, a certain awesome person is offering incentives.
From her post:

So, internet: if the get $250 in the next five days, I will do the notorious cinnamon challenge and post a video of it online. If they get $500 in the next five days, I will eat an entire tube of saltine crackers without taking a drink before I do the cinnamon challenge. If they get the full $700 being sought on the Chipin, I will eat a dry bowl of Cap’n Crunch (avec les berries cruncheuse, s’il vous plait) before I eat the saltine crackers. If they get a $1,000, I will do the cinnamon challenge with fresh nutmeg and hallucinate that William S. Burroughs is trying to harvest my cat’s brainwaves through the telephone. All on cam. One continuous take, no interruption and no drinking.


see more at http://alexandraerin.tumblr.com/post/28439909406/for-a-friend-like-this-i-will-swallow-my-pride-among