(no subject)

 friend came over, brought liquor, got me drunk, ordered pizza,  listened and told me I'm not crazy. may be my new best friend.  considering my current best friend is problematic husband, this is a win.  still fucking blown away by people, even strangers helping me. I can do this.   

kinda hungover

 but otherwise feeling better than I have in a really long time. The support I'm getting, and the fact that other people believe in me and even strangers will help is making me feel worth fighting for.  That's new. And the donations, omg.  It's not like Oh, I'm all set now, but at least right now neither of us can use the money as an excuse. I can kick in enough  on rent that it's his problem if he can't get a place. and keep the electricity on.   I'm still scared that I won't be able to support myself long term, but I can work on that now without freaking out about the immediate situation.

People keep reminding me that I won't be able to keep homeschooling if Z isn't paying the rent, but I refuse to believe that, I will find enough at home work to do this shit, or get out of the house work that I can schedule around someone watching my kids or something. 

holy crap

 my tumblr post has 239 notes, almost all of them reblogs. I have gotten over 50 donations, ranging from a dollar to 200!  I have a lot more of a support net than I thought, because it feels like the whole internet is helping me.  

I'm going to make it. I will not have to take him back over money.