maevele: (nanunanu)
I am sick of being that person who gets all worked up, the resident give-a-shitter. Like, it's apparently a joke among people who know me IRL, that you can get me going easy by saying something sexist or homophobic or whatever. or alluding to the stereotype of nit picking SJers. Earlier this week, a friend of mine was all "I'll be a Fireman! Oh, I mean Fire*woman*! don't wanna get staci all pissed off" and gives me the knowing laugh. And I couldn't just stab her, because she had cooked dinner and is a good friend of mine who is actually a fucking feminist just doesn't talk about it. And it's not like I'm some big activist, constantly calling people out, I let so much shit slide, just suck it up and remember the reasons I love these people and try not to hold it against them, because I don't have that many people who mostly get it, so I take what I can get.

and then the thing tonight, with "Oh, I have issues about queer people! I'd better hash them out with maev, since she's the only one gives a shit about this stuff" and my goddamn mother, reassuring me every couple of weeks that if I had been gay it would have been fine with her, because she is SO MOVED by the queer related shit I post on facebook. NOT LIKE I DIDN'T COME OUT TO HER HALF MY LIFE AGO. and have done so since. Not like I dated girls. Not like, considering my gender confusion, I like guys in a not very straight way. She sees me as a girl, I married a guy. that "other stuff" doesn't count anymore. But she wants to make sure I know she feels so horrible about the way gay people get treated.


Funny story. I came out as bi to my mom when I was 18 and had been out socially for like 2 years, because when she and my gram found out I was seeing a black guy, my mom actually fucking said "I'd rather you were gay!" I didn't come out right then, but the next time I was alone with my mom, I was like, "so, remember that shit you said...yeah. It could just as easily have been a chick, this is why I never tell you people who I am dating." and there was probably another fight, where she tried to be accepting and I was like, "But if it had been a black woman?" and shortly after I was getting out of the car, idk. But she forgets THE WHOLE FUCKING THING, and all the rest, every time I post something queer rightsish on facebook, and has to reassure me how cool she would have been if I were a lesbian. And like, she does mean really well. She doesn't mean to disappear me, or patronize me. and has gay friends, and is good to them, and will tell you all about them, and gets pronouns right when talking about trans people most of the time, depending on tense. Why no, my mother knows nothing about my gender identity, why do you ask?

and yeah, she's "Much Better" on the racism thing since back then. She even voted for Obama. And she's pretty good at watching what she says. But it's still horribly embarrassing that I call out other people for that shit in public, so I don't really go around the people she hangs out with.


And the last goddamn conversations I actually had with my mother in law before she died, were her telling me "I'm not usually that comfortable with LGBT* people, but these lesbians I recently met, I had a real connection with them" and then the big ass confrontation of me going, "You could have told me you were uncomfortable with LGBT people, since, um, I am at least a couple of those letters, and I'd hate to have been so rude as to have spent time with someone whom I make uncomfortable, eat ass." and then she died before I really was done working that shit out with her.


*note, I use lgbt because that was her choice of terms in that conversation, and I had some fury over "so careful to pick the word you think is most PC, but not to keep quiet about your discomfort with "those people" aaaaargh"


Holy shit. I decided to have a rant. I guess the shit tonight fucked with me more than I thought.
maevele: (Default)
no, really. I may get less done, but I am happier and squeefilled more, and that counts.
maevele: (Default)
about the concomm response, the less okay I am with it. I mean, it's their decision, and they have more data than me. I am friends with people on the concomm, who I know are good people with great intentions, so I don't hold it against anybody, but this shit ain't right. I'm not saying that disinviting was the only answer, but claiming good will come of her still being guest of honor? no fucking way. Rescind the Honor part, but still have her as a guest of the con, so she can show up and try to defend this crap or apologize or get educated or at least not be "silenced" as some would try to claim. I get that there was no easy answer, but that letter was not the right move.

You are making fellow fans and writers feel unwelcome at wiscon. Fellow fans and writers who are already marginalized. I am seeing people say they will not come this year because they do not feel supported by the con against this bigotry. Both long time attendees and people who were thinking this would be their first wiscon.

This is my con. I will not stand for this shit. I believe that as someone who is not muslim, and therefore not directly hurt by this shit, and who wants Wiscon to be a welcoming place for all people, I am obligated to do what I can to make it a safer space. It shouldn't be on the few Muslims who come to the con to educate on this. Those of us who give a shit and have privilege need to step up as much as we can. I have shit talked about a walkout during her speech in comments to posts, and I'm committing publicly here to following through, unless a better plan is organized by someone else. Less in protest or hope to get through to Ms. Moon, than merely in solidarity, I guess.

I don't want my con poisoned by this shit. I expect better.
maevele: (elliot glare)
I went to get the almost last load of crap and do some cleaning out of the old place after Z got home from work, and suck ensued. 1st, there's a note from Mr. Landlord, "you have to have this place cleaned out by Friday at noon! this is serious, etc etc" and I was under the impression we had til saturday night. whatever, small suck, we can knock it out by friday, no problem, I'm thinking, and then be DONE!!!! except, and heres the great part, the electric company somehow misunderstood, and apparently cancelled service at the old house when it switched over to here, even though I requested to keep it in our name til the 31st. So, we had no lights. and, uh, there was still stuff in my fridge. So, all I could accomplish before total dark enveloped the house was to grab most of the rest of our stuff from the upstairs, because I could not see shit in the basement. I even tried to tap into the neighbors electric, but their outside outlet wasn't working, and I forgot you have to reset the outside ones.

So, I pretty much have tomorrow to get the place cleaned out. I may have a sitter during the day, so I can kick some ass without the kids, and when Z gets off work he'll come help til it gets dark, and I'm going to see who else I can round up, but if we haven't stolen power by then, me and the kids will be hauling ass over there early friday morning to finish it up.


Right after I posted about the mellowness and friendliness of the new place, there was a like 5 cop car disturbance across the road, and then a kid being taken home by the police, and kids fighting out front that same day. so its an interesting neighborhood. I haven't had much time to chill and talk to the new neighbor/old friend, and she seems to still have some drama, but I have gotten good at staying out of peoples drama over the years, so it don't confront me none if she has drama.




In better news, the washer and dryer are here and working! and I've gotten some of the art and such hung, so it feels even more ours. and as of friday at noon, I'm done with the old place, no matter what, so I can fucking relax and enjoy the shiny new place and finish unpacking/organizing.
maevele: (sing)
I haven't been posting much, so I'll make up for it with a big rum soaked post of various things:

The good friend who violated my kids boundaries some months ago, whom I sorta forgave once hq sorta forgave him is apparently regularly hanging out with the guy who went off on my kid more recently. Which is pretty much no big deal, except since I regularly take the first guys kid, I need to be able to get in touch with him sometimes, and when he says "oh, I'll be at j's house, you can just call me there" it means that I can not get hold of him. He missed out on having me take his kid last weekend because of this, and now I am keeping his kid a second night this time, because I will not call there. I told him why when i picked up his kid thursday, and then when I tried to call him tonight, his girlfriend was all 'he's at J's, you wanna call him there?" and I said, no, I'll just keep the kid an extra night. Dude was supposed to come visit us today before I was gonna give him his kid, because we have barely hung out in months, and he went to j's instead. erg. I'm getting stuck on the practical details because getting into my emotional reactions on this is complicated. Most of my emotional reaction is "hell, they are perfect for each other, and can fuck off together" but it is still odd to me that the two dads of friends of his who have most betrayed HQ's trust are now BFF'S.


It's extra complicated becuse the first guy was really one of my best friends, at a family level, for a long ass time, he is godparent to pobo, even, so bleh.


But I'm making new friends, by reconnecting with old ones, so it's not like i miss him much. Last weekend we hung out with another old friend of mine from high school and his wife and kids, who I reconnected with on facebook. This is the second situation just like that in a month. This family has a bunch of really cool kids, including age match buddies for each of mine. We had one of them sleep over with HQ. I also ran into another old old friend who I lost touch with, at the Y, and she has moved back to town with her kid.


We're also going to the Y regularly, throwing the monkeys into classes and playrooms, so the kids are getting more of a chance to make friends with kids who are not the kids of my friends, since things have worked poorly with the neighbor kids.

I guess my rambly point here is that I am finding it possible now to actually make new friends, who are good people i can trust and respect, so I do not have to hold on desperately to people who have fucked over me or my kids just in order to have friends for me and the kids. Because for a while, I swear to god, more than once I had, if not forgiven someone, at least let them back in my life because "I don't have enough friends to write people off" and y'know, fuck that. I can make better friends.



In smaller shit, I picked up 3 little $1 tomato kits (2 cherry tomato, one full size) at the craft store, and started them last month. They crowded the tiny starter pots, so I transplanted them into bins and buckets and flowerpots. These 3 mini pots? are now something like 35 plants split between 11 containers. I don't know how many are going to survive the transplanting, and I had to bring them all inside from the porch because it is FUCKING SNOWING, but there ought to be some goddamn tomatoes sometime. But I have bad plant luck, so, idek.


Also, I'm kinda going back to my older tastes in music lately. and just actively listening to music I truly love more and more. We got all of my mother in law's cds, so I have like 500? maybe more new cd's, but only a small percent of them are things I am interested in. she has a lot of 80's best of's, so I've been bumping a lot of Prince and Cyndi Lauper, and I have a whole fucking lot of Nina Simone and Miles Davis. HQ has a much nicer selection of beatles cd's now too.

Only place I have access to cd player, really though, is my van. So I'm still using internet music at home, and I discovered grooveshark. holy shit, you can actually listen to what you want. when you want it. without digging through the basement for the cd, or downloading it, and it controls a lot like my music player interface. so I grooved my ass off to ani and tori and tool and nin and soundgarden and and and and andandand on random tonight while I cleaned the house, and accidentally the entire david bowie catalog to my library, so every third track was david bowie which really was not what I was going for, and it is WAY harder to remove an entire artist from your library than to add it. fucking A. song by song, motherfucker. every bowie song. multiple versions. bwahahahaahaah. there are now like 3 bowie songs in my thingie, til I get aorund to adding a reasonable amount thereof. but other than that, I like grooveshark.



watched the last few US aired eps of Shameless, um, last half of series 5? I love that show way to much. Does anyone have the 4-5th series on dvd I could borrow, locally? I missed a butt ton.

going to sleep now
maevele: (keith)
so, with the help of a couple of good friends, (REALLY GOOD FRIENDS!) I managed to get the house up to landlord standard and then some, and pull off a mostly hitch free birthday party. (except for the part where her 'whole birthday was RUINED because her balloon got away) My house has maybe never been this clean, although it's the kind of clean where DON'T OPEN THE CLOSETS! NOT THE BASEMENT! I did wind up sorta cleaning HQ's room with a shovel and trash bag as i had threatened, but the stuff had been gone through and was mostly the trash at that point. His bff got a good stack of pokemon cards for helping, that he scored by picking them up out of the giant pile of crapola I was about to throw away when hq was too lazy tired to pick up any more.


Didn't get to do as much planning for the trip as would have made me comfortable, but I've got some restaurant ideas, swimwear in the dryer, and shit, we can wear the same shorts over our same swimsuits for four days if I dont manage to pack or do more laundry. I got sunscreen and rubber shoes. Our room doesn't even have a microwave, so its not like I have to pack food for us to cook there to save money, we're gonna mostly be restauranting it, supplemented with cereal and pbj. Turns out there's a great vegetarian restaurant with a grilled cheese that made food tv's top five or something, so we have to try that, and the hotel is right near Mr Pancake, so, yeah. pancakes. PANCAKES WITH STUFFSES ON THEM.

I just didn't get to make a goddamn list and check shit off, so I'm convinced I'm skipping something that's gonna fuck us.

The baby (not a baby, she's THREE!)is officially big enough for the smallfry coaster this year, as well as a bunch of stuff she was kinda small for last year, so she's really excited, although still worried that we will see the gorilla statue that she hated so much last year, which she will apparently NEVER FORGET AS LONG AS SHE LIVES AND BREATHES.

The motel we're staying at only has wifi in the lobby, so we may not even bring computers. (so I have said, but we all know i will grab my eee and be in the lobby at 2 am.) But if I drop into silence til next week, that's why. If I miss something fabulous or failtastic, I'm sure the internet will live without my input on it.

i'm still planning on cruising back down for book group monday night, but I wont be there as long as i'd like, given that I can talk about that book for over an hour with people who haven't read it.

is there slash fic for any dream will do? just wonderin'

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maevele

June 2016

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