she was cuffed to the truth

I've been avoiding the story for a whole week. I'm not even stuck, just unmotivated. And actually, I have spent all of my available time either reading about and arguing about the emoon drama, or trying to distract myself from the same with things that are hot and fluffy. Like parties and eyeshadow and music and fic and the new mcr stuff. So if I am going to write, I need to drop either the drama or the fluff. Yes, i would write more if I drop both, but fuck that.

So, I am gonna try to ignore people acting like ignorant asshats, and not keep up on the bullshit anymore. It took some thought, but the fluff feeds me and the bullshit drains me, so even though addressing bullshit is more important than fluff, it interferes more with the words, and I need to let them be important too.

I ave developed hatred for my story in progress, because progress is failing.
I have all these cool ideas that my chaacter needs to figure out, but i can't figure out how to get her to figure them out in a reasonable manner and pace.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

It never even crossed my mind til now, even reading all of racefail, that it all should be really directly relevant to the story I'm working on. My protag is not white. She's mixed. I now can't decide if I should agonize over "writing the Other" or just keep writing her as I know her.

Seriously, as a whitegirl first time writer, the scared part of me says play it safe, make her white but that's succh an asshole move. I think she'd be pissed, and I feel like if I was lucky enough to get a character to come to me, I shouldn't fuck with her. Not to mention that there are interesting points bouncing around the story regarding her time issues and racial makeup. Although it certainly isn't about race.


But if I fuck it up, I promise not to explode when someone tells me so?

Mind you, the other main characters are 2 gay men, a drag queen, and an old white lady, so they're all "other" ain't they? I've been having a lot more concern about fucking up the gay men and drag queen than Maud's race.

So, the Heathen and I were gonna go down to the gamegeek store for the heroclix match thing, in hopes that some people who knew where to get the fucking maps, or just how to really play it, would be there. We got there late and all the clixgeeks had left. But he got some new guys, and now I have what amounts to free time while he plays and the Imp sleeps on my lap. Yes, I think I have finally decided which nicknames to use for the finks online.


Anyhow, I've started another story. Tihs one may be a novel, just given the amount of details and time spent in characters' heads so far. I'm writing longhand instead of typing this one. Which is good because I can write in the middle of the night or whatever without disturbing anyone who might be sleeping in the room with the computers, or using it. And, I can't get all "hmm..stuck on this part of the story, let's see what's going on on LJ." But it's bad because OMGZ I write slower than I type now. suck. and the Imp lost page one. pulled it clean out and ate it, best I can reckon. So I rewrote it, and it grew, so page 1 became pgs 1-3.

I'm hoping some actual story starts soon, since I have these characters I like and this interesting thing going on in the society, but not so much ACTION as of yet. Oh, well, I'm patient.

I've developed two new problem/guilty pleasures lately, teen soap operas . (DEGRASSI FOR ALL THE MARBLES! South of Nowhere for some marbles!) and well written but worthless pop music. (quick. save a few of those marbles for gym class heroes, that nutini guy, and fallout boy.)