maevele: (Default)
Every weekend that I try to spend with him. Found out he has stage 4 lung cancer in the spring, have been trying to just enjoy whatever time I have with him since then, but he's getting sicker every time I see him. And he's trying so hard to hide it, but then he just seems miserable and angry at everyone. And that isn't who he is.

And when I'm with him, we're both ignoring it as best we can, because it will kill him faster if he thinks I pity him, or am being kind because he's in pain. So we just pretend it's normal. And even when we are both doing great at pretending he's not fucking dying, and things are great for a bit, that actually hurts more, because that's what I am going to miss the most.

And honestly, I'm not sure if I can survive him dying. I have to, because I have a daughter to raise, but I'm pretty sure she's going to be living with a zombie until either I somehow get over this, or she's old enough I can kill myself to be with him.

holy crap

Jun. 22nd, 2016 12:00 am
maevele: (awesome)
So, in the time since the fire, one of my housemates had ran off to rainbow, and came back when we opened up again. And then her and her rainbow boyfriend announced they were heading out for the national gathering in vermont, and I was like, "waaah, I want to go but I can't just jump in a van full of hippies with my kid and disappear for a couple weeks." and they talked more and more of my housemates into going. and last night they talked my best friend into going with the first group heading out tonight, and i was all "WAAAAAH, why can't I go?"

And then one of my housemates was like, "well, I have a car, but can't go, do you want to borrow it?" and another housemate (best female friend, mom of my kid's bff) was like, "I can kick in gas and we can head out and take my kid too?"

So yeah, either friday night or early saturday, I'm taking off in a borrowed car with my best chick friend and our daughters to drive out to vermont and spend a good week at the gathering. Meeting up with best friend and some housemates, being met up with by more housemates a few days later.

I AM SO EXCITED I COULD SHIT MY PANTS. I get to go to my first national gathering since 94, and most of the best people from my house are going too. And because of the housemate's recent time at rainbow and her rainbow boyfriend, we are already plugged into a kitchen when we get there, and will have at least part of our camp set up by the time we get there, we will just have to throw the tents up.


maevele: (art)
So the last few months, along with dealing with the co-op, I have been vaguely helping to write a bigass novel length Interactive Fiction game based on my co-author’s experiences the summer of 2013, up to the house fire. It’s in the Spring Thing IF competition if anyone wants to check it out. It’s called Harmonic Time-bind Ritual Symphony, and I really like it.


Mar. 1st, 2016 02:19 am
maevele: (joyjeff)
We're home. Finally, really and truly, officially, back home. It's been a full week now, and I'm finally believing it is real this time after that whole thing in november where we got to come home but it was a mistake. But now it's real.

We had an impromptu celebration the night we got the news, just everyone chilling in the great room with some drinks, yelling "woooooooo" and "HOOOOOOME" at each other. I ran around writing "home" in odd places all over the building in purple marker. then we were all busy doing moving in stuff and trying to organize the house, had a couple of house dinners, including one that a new housemate cooked with venison steaks from a deer he killed himself, and one I threw together with a friend because we had membershippers coming by. I made a huge thing of lo mein.

Saturday we had a big fucking noise rock show, because we are into this whole hosting shows thing and the other venue that some of the housemates run got shut down, so we became the backup for that. It got a little out of hand, with one band breaking a house mic and getting yelled at, and my best friend falling down the path to the fire pit, breaking a rib, and then accidentally setting off the fire alarm and getting yelled at. Other than that it was fucking awesome, and there was a solid moshpit that had awesome gender balance (which is important in a pit, goddamnit). Only like 9 people at its height, but there was a fucking moshpit in my living room with people I genuinely love.

Speaking of people I genuinely love, dude, my fucking housemates. As I am getting to know the new ones, and getting to hang out with the old ones again, some of who I never got to know well before based on timing, I just feel so fucking blessed to be living with such an amazing group of people. I am surrounded by brilliant, funny, revolutionary people from wildly different lifestyles, with incredible things to offer to the community. I live with most of my best friends, and the other ones hang out here.

And the one thing everyone here has in common is that they were down to go through all this bullshit in order to live at Loth. Even the newest people were membershipped back in August, expecting to be in by sept 1st. And we lost a few because of the delays, but that means everyone who is here wanted to be here badly enough to wait and struggle.

Some of my favorite older members who I wasn't sure were coming back have, too, as well as a couple that have decided they will now that were officially open.

We still don't have food or toilet paper/supplies in any meaningful way, because we have to meet with the financial coordinator of the larger coop org and the bank to get people signed up on the accounts so we can buy things, but we'll have that set up in the next couple days, and people are chipping in what they can/dumpstering/providing their own shit in the meanwhile.

We fought so hard for this. A number of people effectively ruined their lives in this fight, fucking themselves up financially and giving all of their time and energy into fixing this. I fucked myself up pretty bad, and I was mostly working behind the scenes. So many people worked their asses off and I am so amazed and relieved now that it paid off.


Also, I went and saw the local stage production of the rocky horror this week (not the shadowcast thing I was doing), and it was fucking AMAZEBALLS.
maevele: (Default)
I know I haven't posted in forever, But I finally have good news! After unfathomable delays, we go approved to move back home. I get to go home.
maevele: (Default)
but the inspection was postponed, and they declared one more thing that the other inspectors said we didn't have to deal with has to be done before they will approve move in.

so fuck.
maevele: (lamberdroogie)
to find out if we can finally move back in. We have to pass. We've done so much work, and it has been so long, and I just really hope the universe can come through for us on this one. I just want to go home.

It has been hard being home doing cleaning and repair and then having to go not-home to go to bed. I hate it.
maevele: (spider kidding)
So, there was, of fucking course, actually one more goddamn inspection that we somehow didn't know about before we were cleared to move back in for real. And we failed it, meaning we all have to move back out until we handle the last few things. And it is shit that we exempted the contractors from in order to get shit done faster, so we're doing this shit. It's all shit we can do, or hire people on our own, and I think we are more likely to do it fast than these fucking contractors, so we should be back in before too long. The first estimate was dec 1st, but we said fuck that, we're bringing in more people.

But we have to move back out. fuck that shit. things were starting to come together, we were doing FINE with only one full bathroom, community was developing. Fuck that shit, for real.


Nov. 10th, 2015 06:00 pm
maevele: (fabulousgeeass)
I've been too busy to remember to post this, but Lothlorien opened back up last thursday. It's still kind of a disaster, with one working shower in the whole place, among many other issues, but we're home.

I can not even believe we finally made it back. I've got my house back, I've got my amazing people around me, and some great new ones, and it's amazing how much I have come back to life just being back there.
maevele: (sing)
Had a bigass house meeting and started working on house business. Have elected a bunch of the house jobs, (I have like 3 now, including alternate board rep and grievance elf), and got everyone up to speed on the status of the repairs. The contractors now say they will be done by the end of october. We are all trying very hard to believe them, and trying to figure out how we can make sure that shit happens.

But it's close, finally. It has to be. People are real sick of waiting. Suggestions have ranged from just moving the fuck in whether they are done or not, camping in the backyard, camping in the backyard of the contractor's homes, and just showing up and starting to do the work. Obviously,for practical sense reasons, we have chosen the "look into our legal options, call the project manager for updates a lot, and offer to volunteer" suggestion instead.

I can't wait to go home. It may actually be for the best that we're getting back this late in the season, because there is going to be a LOT to do after move in, and it would have been slower to get things done if we moved in while the weather was nice enough that we all just want to hang out in the yard/lake/porch. (oh my porch, I miss you so much)
maevele: (fabulousgeeass)
We had the special membership meeting on sunday, where we finally got a straight up membership vote on our proposal to sign contracts for rooms at loth to the five core members who are ready to sign and on the membershipping team. And it passed.

So we had a house meeting tonight, to pass budget, make plans, and have the five starter members pick rooms to get their contracts signed ASAP so they can sign other people in.

I’m getting the second floor corner, overlooking the porchswing and the lake. It’s as official as it can be right now. Just have to actually sign the fucking contract, and then wait for the house to open in august. Oh, and, y’know, get the other ex-loth people’s contracts done, and find another 18 roommates and get them through the membershipping process.

But the larger organisation is not going to make us jump through any more hoops or make past members go through the membershipping process again under their supervision, or try to decide for us who is going to live there. We get to make the call. I’m so relieved.

Also so overwhelmed, because not only do we have to fill the house by august, we need to make it run smoothly with a lot of new people and without a fair number of our experts and people who had been running shit.

Now I just have to get more work, while helping with all this, so I can actually pay my room fees, food share and have cash left over. But I CLAIMED MY ROOM TONIGHT, and get to sign contract within days
maevele: (spider kidding)
Performing in the rocky fucking horror.

You know what I am doing tomorrow night?

yeah. as Frank even.
maevele: viv from Young ones flipping the piss off v's. (viv)
Dude, I totally have fucking pinkeye. PINKEYE! I caught a cold at wiscon, and it decided it wants to try living in my fucking eye.

Because, of course, I am doing rocky horror on friday, and I have to have something horribly wrong with me when I go onstage. HAVE TO. The only time I haven’t been sick as fuck doing the rhps since I got back into it was the first show when I accidentally got blackout drunk because I was so nervous I forgot to eat and tried to drink off the nerves. One time, I literally had not made it out of bed except to pee for like 36 hours before the show, got done, went back to bed for 14 hours, and had a fever of 102. Another time I got a bladder infection just in time for the show. That was AWESOME, what with the costume issues and never being offstage for more than two minutes.

Last time I was only vaguely sick, but playing frank for the first time in a sold out show that none of my friends could get into, and was going through some emotional bullshit

This time, its ONLY pinkeye, no childcare for rehearsals, and being up to my tits in coop bullshit.
maevele: (Default)
So you know how sometimes there’s some stupid movie you remember but can’t find what it was? One of mine was some horror sexual harassment comedy about a guy who was possessed or some shit, and all I really remembered was that at some point in the movie, someone told him “you’re not possessed, you’re pozatski.” So every couple of years I google for the term, and have never found anything.

I was randomly going through old blog posts to figure out my life’s timeline, as you do, and I had used the word in a post, decided to google it again, and found THIS:

My Demon Lover / 1987
85 minutes
Dir.: Charlie Loventhal
Starring: Scott Valentine, Michele Little, Arnold Johnson

Movies that cram in as many genres as possible are the best. What could be more special than a movie that wants to cover so much ground? And what could be more fascinating than watching that fail? Enter My Demon Lover, a romantic comedy with an OUTRAGEOUS twist: its main character Kaz (the attractive male lead played by attractive male human Scott Valentine) is secretly a hideous monster. Even TWISTIER? His grotesque features only show themselves when he is sexually aroused. But he still believes in LOVE, goddammit, and he’s seeking it out the only way he knows how: groping women on the street.

Yup. It’s real. From the description, it’s also just as horrible as I remember
maevele: Tom collins from rent dancing across the table, with text saying he is awesome (awesomeollins)
There was a making stuff party at wiscon, and as a result, I tried to knit for the first time in years. There was a time when I was one knitting motherfucker, but it started aggravating my wrist problems so I stopped. But I tried again at this party, and it didn’t hurt, so tonight I dug through my boxes of crap and found the few crappy aluminum needles and the really awesome yarn I hung on to, and tried again. I started and frogged stuff like twice just based on misjudging how it was going to come out based on which needles I was using but now I am like 15 rows or so into a purse, I guess? It was maybe gonna be a headscarf for a minute, but I need a purse.

But I’m just super excited to be knitting again, and if I don’t get all obsessive and watch my positioning it won’t hurt my hands and I can have cool stuff. I so miss all my good knitting supplies though, trying to relearn with aluminum needles and fancy yarn with ribbon and shit is hard. I wish I had known I was gonna get back into knitting before my birthday, it would have SO changed what I asked for.
maevele: (Default)
still not sure what kind of thing because SO EXHAUSTED. I might have opinions on a lot of things, but my brain hasn’t processed much of it into words yet. I definitely had an awesome time and only got to talk to like 1/137th of the people I wanted to sit down and talk with, and even the ones I did get to talk to, it wasn’t ENOUGH.

Might post more about it after some reasonable amount of sleeping
maevele: (awesome)
I'm finally caught up enough with everything else to just be super excited that wiscon is so soon, omg. I get to see so many awesome people!!! I'm on the free range kids panel, and the one about extraterrestrial languages, otherwise mostly drifting.

Also, regarding the stuff with my co-op, a lot of shit turned around in the last few weeks/months, full repair was approved, volunteer work started last weekend, and we are working out the details about filling the rooms when it opens up in august. Viva Lothlorien. Which is why I have been too busy to be excited about the con until now.
maevele: (Default)
So, I did the thing. I played Frank N Furter to a sold out Majestic Theater. And to be honest, Kinda KILLED IT.

It was, unfortunately, so sold out that my closest people, who I specifically wanted to be there to see it, didn’t get in. One of them was SUPPOSED to be early, and to record parts for me, but did not make it in time. I’m mad at that one, but whatever.

But I did it, and I rocked it other than a few blocking mistakes and a couple miscues, and being 15 seconds late for a scene because I was having a panic attack.

And it was stressful as shit, and omg I hurt EVERYWHERE from all the running in heels, and crawling, and falling dramatically, but I think I would do it again.

selfie in mirror of me in full frank costume. corset, fishnets, and all
maevele: (bloodyband)
managed to cover most of the xmas shopping, so I'm feeling pretty good
maevele: Tom collins from rent dancing across the table, with text saying he is awesome (awesomeollins)
last week? she mentioned this game they were playing, called here be monsters, and it sounded cool, so I checked it out. I have done NOTHING productive this week, but I have caught a lot of monsters, and made a lot of beer.


maevele: (Default)

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