Note to best friend

[maevele]

Okay, if you say something stupid, and we have a big discussion about it, and durng that conversation you interrupt me enough times that finally I say, "you know, I don't hold it against you, it's the male privilege thing, I'm just a woman, why should you let me talk?" and you take that to heart enough that we have a nice big conversation about male priv and conversational space, and you still interrupt me 27 fucking times while I am talking to you about how interrupting women in discussions is a display of your fucking privilege, don't be surprused and all fucking hurt when I give up, and walk out of the room in tears.

And don't act all sad that you made me cry, so I feel like I need to tell you not to take it personally, because right now, you are welcome to take it fucking personally, I will not tell you it's ok, because to you these arguments are just intellectual copulation, but I'm still a woman at the end of them, and a woman who DOESN"T GET HEARD!

Comments

[chris462.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry ... What were you saying?

[phreakelove.livejournal.com]

Afuckinmen, goddamn!

[maevele.livejournal.com]

see, at least on the interwebs, I get to finish sentences.

[chris462.livejournal.com]

> see, at least on the interwebs, I get to finish ...

Wait ... what?

[maevele.livejournal.com]

and yes, I deleted my own post. because it was me being snarky to a good friend over shit got nothing to do wit him.

[chris462.livejournal.com]

I don't think so, to be honest. A quick Google search corroborates this.

If I disagreed, I chalk it up to being a stupid kid. I've been trolling a.m.t since I was what? 14?

Besides, I'm just trying to ruffle your feathers. :P

[chris462.livejournal.com]

No blood, no foul. I can't press buttons that I *know* irritate you if I'm not willing to get my ass chewed on for it. :)

[lady-alyria.livejournal.com]

Are you sure he was being a sexist prick? Maybe he talks over everyone male or female and is just a general prick. You should give him the benefit of the doubt.

[hexennacht.livejournal.com]

I hear you, and also I HEAR THAT!

[badgerbag.livejournal.com]

Oh hey maybe you're just TOO SENSITIVE...


heheheh, just kidding.

Good job for trying to explain to your friend, but also it you are awesome for walking out of an intolerable conversation....

[raanve]

But see, the problem with this is that yeah -- maybe he's an interrupter, or whatever, but she mentioned to him during the course of conversation that this was bothering her, and specifically why, and then they talked about it... and he was STILL doing in while they were discussing why it bothered her.

At some point, common courtesy and caring about your friends' feelings need to make an entrance. And when given the benefit of the doubt, don't follow that up with tossing that benefit away, you know?

[maevele.livejournal.com]

Ha, here's a funny.

After I left the room in tears, my husband and him were still in the living room. And the husband starts explaining to him exactly how fucked up this had been, and as I walk back in, the friend is saying, "And look,ha-ha, I didn't interrupt you once!" at which point I said, "wtf?" and walked back out.

[lady-alyria.livejournal.com]

Doh!

[lady-alyria.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's why the good option was "general prick".

[raanve]

Ah.. I get you. I think I misunderstood your comment.

(I appear to be of a mind to take everything totally literally today. Doh.)

[maevele.livejournal.com]

yeah, but I walked back in, and wound up actively crying while trying to hash it out with him. wugh.

And then I spent like 15 minutes beating myself up for getting all sensitive about it and losing my "arguing rationally" ground, if that makes sense?

[lady-alyria.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my crappy humor is often lost on people.

[naomikritzer]

Was this anyone I know? Because there's one mutual acquaintance in particular I can picture doing exactly this.

[tupelo-lights.livejournal.com]

You can't argue rationally with someone who won't even listen to the end of your rational argument. Don't beat yourself up. You're gonna get enough of that out in the world.

[maevele.livejournal.com]

No, thankfully, it wasn't who you were thinking. I've actually been arguing various feminist issues on and off with this guy for almost 13 years now, with various levels of anger and taking it personally or as mental exercise, but it hasn' been this heated in a long time.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

I dunno, when it's too frustrating because the other person isn't being rational, anger (& tears) are a quite reasonable response.

Go you. And credit to your guy for not only getting it but trying to cue your friend to the problem. walking out was way cool, though.