What I wrote instead.
Jun. 7th, 2011 02:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maevele
and I do mean wrote, I'm just typing it up so I have a copy. He's well enough to be sent home from the hospital, so I get to have my say. note my lack of swearing up in this motherfucker.
Ex-stepdad
I think it's time for me to go ahead and get this off of my chest. I don't think you can even imagine how badly it hurt me that after being the only father in my life for over 20 years you could just say we aren't family.
I still don't know why, whether it was something with your new church or if you just never cared in the first place, but I don't think that matters. Whatever your reason you threw me away, and there is no excuse good enough for that. We were Family regardless of blood relation, and that meant so little to you. not to me. I do not forgive you, I do not want anything to do with you, but we were Family. I was family to the girls, and you took that from me. it took 20 years for me and stepsister to get along, and once we did you cut me out of the family. You may have stopped being my father but those girls are still my nieces.
And yeah, maybe I wasn't a very good daughter, but it was made clear from the start that if I thought of you as my father it would be a disrespect to Stepsister and hurt her, so I did my best not to get closer o you than she did, which since you lived with us meant I had to keep distance in mind. But it was out of respect for her relationship with you, never that I didn't see you as my father.
You dispwning me set me off enough that I lost touch with my grandma for over two years because there was just no point in staying close to family if they could just discard me. Like you did.
i will no longer let myself wonder why I wasn't good enough. This is on you, not on me. You didn't value our years as family, and that is nothing to do with me. I know you are sick now and I don't wish you any suffering, I just can't hold onto this anger anymore, it will turn bitter.
I've tried to write this letter many times in the last 4.5 years, but I could never finish it. There's an awful lot I want to say to you, but this is the hardest thing I have ever written.
Seriously, you were my father in all but name, and got rid of me without even an explanation. I don't know how you sleep at night.
Goodbye, Staci
Ex-stepdad
I think it's time for me to go ahead and get this off of my chest. I don't think you can even imagine how badly it hurt me that after being the only father in my life for over 20 years you could just say we aren't family.
I still don't know why, whether it was something with your new church or if you just never cared in the first place, but I don't think that matters. Whatever your reason you threw me away, and there is no excuse good enough for that. We were Family regardless of blood relation, and that meant so little to you. not to me. I do not forgive you, I do not want anything to do with you, but we were Family. I was family to the girls, and you took that from me. it took 20 years for me and stepsister to get along, and once we did you cut me out of the family. You may have stopped being my father but those girls are still my nieces.
And yeah, maybe I wasn't a very good daughter, but it was made clear from the start that if I thought of you as my father it would be a disrespect to Stepsister and hurt her, so I did my best not to get closer o you than she did, which since you lived with us meant I had to keep distance in mind. But it was out of respect for her relationship with you, never that I didn't see you as my father.
You dispwning me set me off enough that I lost touch with my grandma for over two years because there was just no point in staying close to family if they could just discard me. Like you did.
i will no longer let myself wonder why I wasn't good enough. This is on you, not on me. You didn't value our years as family, and that is nothing to do with me. I know you are sick now and I don't wish you any suffering, I just can't hold onto this anger anymore, it will turn bitter.
I've tried to write this letter many times in the last 4.5 years, but I could never finish it. There's an awful lot I want to say to you, but this is the hardest thing I have ever written.
Seriously, you were my father in all but name, and got rid of me without even an explanation. I don't know how you sleep at night.
Goodbye, Staci
