maevele | I think

I might be okay. I still have a lot of shit to process, and I have to re organize my wholelife, but I can finally start to really get better. I blamed myself for everything that was wrong for a really long time, and it’s starting to sink in that none of it was my fault. And all of his frustration that I couldn’t get a grip on my mental illnesses? SO NOT MY FAULT. How was I supposed to get better if I was scared? If he was making me worse.

My self esteem is pretty much in the shitter, because of how long I have been lying to myself, and trying to convince myself it was all on me.

Knowing how many people have my back is fucking huge for me right now. Seriously, I am so thankful for all of the support and good thoughts. The donations have brought in enough that with my income I’ve got room to breathe, at least for a while.

I just can’t wait to be okay again.