duuuuude

[maevele]

 I don't need him. Not just financially, but woohoo, not needing him financially is awesome, but I don't actually need him at all without fear hanging over me. 16 years, a lot of them thinking I needed him, and that without him I had nothing, and all that bullshit, and I. Don't. Need. Him.   I love him, but that's not even close to the same thing, and I won't know for a while if it's the kind of love where we should be together.   I can't even start to know that until he stops needing me, and he is just soooo full of need that i don't know if he will ever get to that point, where he doesn't need me or someone else to shore up his whole existence.  But he's getting better already, and is talking about things that hurt him instead of getting mad, and is a big ball of sad instead of rage, so I think he may make it.  And he hung out with the kids so I could pound out some of the work I've gotten behind with, and he said it was amazing how much he could actually enjoy the kids now that he's not angry.  They'd do something frustrating, and he could deal with it.   He still needs to get his own place though.  Just not being so angry all the time isn't going to be good enough, he has to actually process all the stuff he was angry about, and I need to process the whole fucking thing before ever considering living with him again.

 

How did a cynic like me end up with someone who deep down believes that if you love someone enough that is supposed to fix everything? 

Now to knock out a little more work and get some sleep. 

Comments

[jackandahat]

*cheers for you*

[yeloson]

But he's getting better already, and is talking about things that hurt him instead of getting mad, and is a big ball of sad instead of rage, so I think he may make it.

Don't be surprised if he falls back at some point. Usually the initial "fixing things" is habitual in these situations- people do what they think will give approval and quick fixes, and then when they find out "being good" doesn't instantly change everything back, they get real frustrated and flip out more. That is to say, then the real work begins.

Folks are never really conscious of this behavior, so just keep an eye out for it and don't be surprised if/when it happens.

[maevele]

yeah, for all that I can see him making progress, I'm realistic about it, and not getting my hopes up at all. And starting to recognize that it might start getting ugly for me again when he gets to the next hard part.