Right, I have a blog for this
May. 30th, 2019 06:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maeveleSo one of my primaries has had a long time thing with this chick. Over a decade of her basically coming in and out of his life, causing huge drama, lying, cheating in the sense of getting into mono things with other people and then showing up at his place drunk and hooking up with him, finally leaving him for a guy who was abusive, having that guy's baby, and then wanting him back. Like, total shitshow.
It seemed like she had gotten it back together a while back, and they picked things back up, but casually and long distance, with the understanding that they weren't going to be tying their lives together.
She's got a lot of envy towards me because of the fact he has tied his life up with mine, accepted my kid as part of his life, let us live with him when we had a crisis, and just in general, but it's been ok, because she lived a few hundred miles away.
This week she had some family drama caused by her drinking, and managed to get halfway to our town, called him for a rescue, and is now staying at his house for the week. Ok, whatever. Today she got drunk and lost her shit because he wouldn't take her to the store so she could cook for him because she was too drunk, and her main focus was that he "lets me cook for him and take care of him" but won't let her. I do not cook or caretake for either of my partners, although I do share food and enjoy cooking for my people.
Once she calmed down and sobered up, apparently they talked and she's planning to stay here, and he told her she can't be at his place full-time, but can crash there on and off for a month while also crashing with friends until she gets her feet under her. And I know damn well that means she's moving back in with him as much as he'll allow, and he's super codependent with her drama.
And I am really struggling, because I don't have a lot of room to say much as both I and my other primary are kinda shitshows too, but we're not competitive, jealous shitshows and I know this is going to go horribly.
She seriously has different relationship priorities than I do, focusing very much on caretaking, and uses that as a scale to try to compete, asking him if I take care of him like she does and using that to imply she's the "better" partner. And that's just not my bag, I caretake children, not partners, and don't expect it from them either, and I know it's going to be some shit I didn't sign up for.
I've expressed my concerns very gently, because I know she's a big part of his life and we generally don't tell each other what to do in our other relationships, but jfc, why can't he see how ugly this is going to be?
This is really just a vent, but I'm open to advice. I've had a couple drinks myself and just need to get this off of my chest.
It seemed like she had gotten it back together a while back, and they picked things back up, but casually and long distance, with the understanding that they weren't going to be tying their lives together.
She's got a lot of envy towards me because of the fact he has tied his life up with mine, accepted my kid as part of his life, let us live with him when we had a crisis, and just in general, but it's been ok, because she lived a few hundred miles away.
This week she had some family drama caused by her drinking, and managed to get halfway to our town, called him for a rescue, and is now staying at his house for the week. Ok, whatever. Today she got drunk and lost her shit because he wouldn't take her to the store so she could cook for him because she was too drunk, and her main focus was that he "lets me cook for him and take care of him" but won't let her. I do not cook or caretake for either of my partners, although I do share food and enjoy cooking for my people.
Once she calmed down and sobered up, apparently they talked and she's planning to stay here, and he told her she can't be at his place full-time, but can crash there on and off for a month while also crashing with friends until she gets her feet under her. And I know damn well that means she's moving back in with him as much as he'll allow, and he's super codependent with her drama.
And I am really struggling, because I don't have a lot of room to say much as both I and my other primary are kinda shitshows too, but we're not competitive, jealous shitshows and I know this is going to go horribly.
She seriously has different relationship priorities than I do, focusing very much on caretaking, and uses that as a scale to try to compete, asking him if I take care of him like she does and using that to imply she's the "better" partner. And that's just not my bag, I caretake children, not partners, and don't expect it from them either, and I know it's going to be some shit I didn't sign up for.
I've expressed my concerns very gently, because I know she's a big part of his life and we generally don't tell each other what to do in our other relationships, but jfc, why can't he see how ugly this is going to be?
This is really just a vent, but I'm open to advice. I've had a couple drinks myself and just need to get this off of my chest.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-30 02:11 pm (UTC)