Changing my goddamn life
Nov. 15th, 2019 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maeveleWent to Austin last week and was happier than I've been in years, even though I lost my phone and slept in a parking garage. Came back and realized how unhappy I've been, being stagnant here and caught in so much coop drama and responsibility, and decided we need to move to Austin. I've already found a coop down there that's a perfect fit and started the process of getting on their wait list for next fall. I need to be more employable because Austin is expensive and I won't have my support system, so I'm polishing up my skills, learning coding for real and hoping I find something.
Then my kid lost her fucking shit on me, and once we got past the anger (no thanks to me, I had to have one of my partners talk to her) we found out that my ex has started his emotionally abusive bullshit on her so we are now rearranging our lives to make sure she doesn't have to be there. That partner is going to take her sometimes so I still get breaks and can be with the other partner (who can't be at my house, and whose house is too condemnable to take the kid to) but this is going to be some major fucking change all around.
I'm excited because I know this shit needs to change, and I truly believe a fresh start will be best for us both, but I'm real fucking scared. I've spent a long time building a support system here, and like, one of my partners is down to just come with and see what happens, and the other will try to come back and forth, but otherwise I'm losing that support system. And like, I have to take a lot of active steps to make it work, instead of just depressedly getting through each day without dying. Am I actually up to make this happen? I've told enough people that I feel like I have to, and I know that I have to because staying here is kinda killing me,
Then my kid lost her fucking shit on me, and once we got past the anger (no thanks to me, I had to have one of my partners talk to her) we found out that my ex has started his emotionally abusive bullshit on her so we are now rearranging our lives to make sure she doesn't have to be there. That partner is going to take her sometimes so I still get breaks and can be with the other partner (who can't be at my house, and whose house is too condemnable to take the kid to) but this is going to be some major fucking change all around.
I'm excited because I know this shit needs to change, and I truly believe a fresh start will be best for us both, but I'm real fucking scared. I've spent a long time building a support system here, and like, one of my partners is down to just come with and see what happens, and the other will try to come back and forth, but otherwise I'm losing that support system. And like, I have to take a lot of active steps to make it work, instead of just depressedly getting through each day without dying. Am I actually up to make this happen? I've told enough people that I feel like I have to, and I know that I have to because staying here is kinda killing me,
no subject
Date: 2019-11-15 05:03 pm (UTC)Obviously I don't know the whole situation but that sounds really hard. *offers hug* moving doesn't sound like a terrible idea, if nothing else to get further away from the ex. >_> it's great that your partner's are supportive of this plan as well. :) I'm crossing my fingers for you that everything works out! It sounds like you're on top of planning for it, at any rate. *cheers you on*
no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 09:23 am (UTC)Change!
Date: 2019-11-15 11:33 pm (UTC)What language are you learning to code in? Madison has (if I recall correctly) some friendly programming groups in a few different languages.
Re: Change!
Date: 2019-11-16 09:21 am (UTC)